Limited Time Only: Pay More, Get LESS!!!

Today is Friday, but it's not just any Friday... it's Admin Furlough Friday (henceforth called AFF)!  This means that all (or almost all) of the administration at Cal Furlough State San Marcos was not at work.  Nor are they allowed to answer their phones or emails.  The campus was dead.

Oh, except for a few dozen credential program students who showed up for a professional development seminar.  It is mandatory that we attend three such seminars this semester, and as the majority of them are scheduled right on top of classes we must also attend, this was one of the few my cohort could go to.

Guess how many of us showed up?  Two.  Yup.  Me and one other.

But it gets WAY better.

I arrived at 16:15 (for a seminar that was scheduled to start at 16:30).  There were maybe ten people total in the room at 16:30, but no presenters.   And the room is really warm because they don't run the air conditioner on AFF's.  So we wait... and wait... and wait... until one girl mentions that she got an email telling her the room had been changed.  Huh... funny... none of us got such an email.  So said student goes across campus to check in the other building.  Yup.  Sure enough, the meeting had been moved.  Now that we were all a half hour late, we trekked across campus (well, most of them trekked.  I drove.  Perk of "cripple parking" is parking close.  Oh, and calling it "cripple parking" totally tickled my classmate).

So we get to the other building and: It's locked.  Apparently they don't unlock doors on AFF.  We did eventually get into the building to find out that they also don't run the lights in some buildings on AFF.  So the seminar was held in the hallway.  Yippie.  (And it was dull as dirt, thanks for asking.  I love repeating things I've already learnt or consider common sense for the fifty-thousandth time.  However, I did get a few more rows knitted on both the Hufflepuff scarf  I'm knitting for my smallish sister and a few on my hedgerow mitts.  And my classmate was entertained by my sarcastic running commentary.)

I was rather miffed.

Well, anyway, I ought to get some homework done--I have one hour before meeting husband, smallish sister, and ballroom dancing friends for dinner.  Off to do linguistics!  Yay, linguistics!  Something happy after such a dumb seminar.

Oh, and happy National Sarcastic Awareness Month.  This is a good time to make you aware that I am sarcastic.  And most of the post above is sarcastic.  And I'm sorry if I'm rambling... blame my painkillers.

Off to see the Wizard...

…wherein the Wizard is my rheumetologist.  If I only had working joints…  Anyway.  I went down to see my rheumy today.  He is pleased at my current state in comparison to where I was last year.  I suppose that is true–I have less pain in the everything, but I’m still in significant amounts of pain in my back, and pain in my hips, knees, and hands.  He’s also pleased that I’m still very active, or basically that I haven’t gone into hiding because of the pain.  (Yeah, no, that’s not an option for me.  I’m taking 19 units, working with my 2nd graders 2-3 half days a week, working on the Mayan dictionary project, and will soon be my professor’s research assistant.)  What I do need is pain management so that I can keep doing all of these things!

So we have totally switched up my medications.

Still on:
Lidoderm patches
Ambien
Voltaren Gel

Now on:
Tylenol with Codeine
Skelaxin
Savella

No longer on:
Flexeril
Tramadol
Cymbalta

I still don’t think my rheumy understands that even though I am still doing all the things I’m doing, I’m still in pain.  But I don’t want to go on and on with this.

So after my appointment I raced over to the elementary school for an afternoon with my second graders.  A long, draining afternoon with my second graders.  Second grade isn’t for me.  Fourth grade and fifth grade, yes.  Second, no thank you.

And now I’m sitting on my couch, blogging, reading blogs, watching Disney channel, and knitting my mitts.  NOT reading Guns, Germs, and Steel, not sending out mass emails I ought to, not painting the shirt I promised to have done early summer, etc., etc.

I’m going out to visit my mother tomorrow (my laundry needs to be done) and really ought to get caught up on reading.  Blah.  (Confession: I don’t do assigned reading from textbooks.  I will read all the articles and websites you want.  But I don’t read out of textbooks.  I haven’t.  Since fifth grade, I have not read textbooks.  I remember it well…)  And get some assignments started…

Well this blog is chaotic, fragmented, and practically incoherent.  I’m going to log off now.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

Knitting makes the world go round…

And when you drop a stitch, the whole world comes to a screeching halt.

I was working on my Hedgerow Mitts today and dropped a stitch.  Sigh… ok… no biggie.  I pause the movie I’m watching so that I can concentrate.  I’m still a knovice knitter, so I do need to concentrate when I drop a stitch.  Well, I get it almost fixed, and then I realize that it has actually dropped stitches several rows down and next to that stitch.  AAAAHHH!  Of course, at that very moment, my hubby gets home and comes in to greet me enthusiastically and tickle my toes.  NOT HELPFUL! (Sweet, but not helpful.)

It took me and my crochet hook several minutes to get all the stitches the way they needed to be, but they did come out the right way.  I think.  We’ll see if I goofed up the pattern.

My husband then came up to see what I was doing and asked why I was making fingerless gloves.  I explained to him that in class, my hands get cold, but I still need to have my fingers free to use the touch mouse pad.  His response “so why don’t you just cut the fingers off a pair of gloves?”  “Because the ends would fray.”  “You can buy gloves without fingers.”  “It’s more fun to knit them, Muggle.” (Muggle: some one who doesn’t understand the magic of knitting.)  He laughed, rolled his eyes, and went to go play video games.  That’s fine.  I don’t understand why he would want to play video games; he doesn’t understand why I would want to knit.  S’all good.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

A difficult topic to breach…

Today is World Suicide Awareness Day.  Now I don’t know about you, but I’ve generally found that the topic of suicide is one that is danced around, and talked about more in hushed voices than normal ones.  But it’s the topic of my post today.  And here’s why:

The leading cause of death from fibromyalgia is suicide.

This is not because fibromyalgia patients are depressed (even though chronic pain does frequently cause depression), but because their symptoms are inadequately managed.  The pain is so bad and so constant that death is preferable.

NOW, while I have never really considered suicide myself, I do have a confession to make.  A few days ago I was in a lot of pain and had been lying awake for hours.  I had gone to bed at eleven thirty and was still awake at four in the morning.  I seriously considered getting up to take more painkillers.  “If two make me drowsy, how many will it take for me to fall asleep?”  Please don’t lecture me; I know how dangerous that is, and what a slippery slope it can be.  Immediately after that thought, I stopped myself firmly.  I don’t want to start abusing painkillers, or using them to escape my problems.  I don’t want to be the victim of an accidental overdose, or even make some mental connection that taking painkillers to fall asleep is an acceptable thing.

It may also be said here, though, that I come from a family history of depression.  My grandmother attempted suicide, and, when I was around three or four, my mother seriously began considering and planning a suicide attempt.  I don’t know what I would have done without these two wonderful women.  I am constantly amazed by their strength, to keep living even when they felt so strongly that they didn’t want to.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

When it rains it pours…

BAH!  So we’ve recently (like, last two weeks) paid for textbooks, and my new rollator, and more textbooks… and now I have to buy a laptop battery.

Today my laptop says that it is plugged in but not charging.  Of course, my warranty has expired.  I called Dell and they ran me through some things, and they have thus decreed that the battery is dead.

After several screams in frustration and some creative cursing, I called my folks.  My dad and I looked online and found batteries cheaper then Dell wants to sell me, by more than half.  My darling husband didn’t freak about needing a new battery, especially since it’s less than $100.

It’s just not something we need right now.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

A long, painful, and tearful day

Today was just “one of those days.”

I stayed over at my parent’s house last night.  My little sis was teaching the kindergarten age Sunday school class, and I was going to go and lend a hand.  But I didn’t sleep well or much last night.  I was totally worn out and hurting from playing with my niece and attending a worship service, but I didn’t sleep more than five or so hours.  Woke up very stiff and hurting.  Helped my sis with squirmy little five-year-olds.  Then went to the worship service.  Then to the woman’s meeting, and the topic made me cry. (Service.  Doing for those who can’t do for themselves.  Like me.)  Oh, and having to tell my diagnoses a dozen more times.  And all the sitting, both for church and the drive from my parents took me up a few more notches on the pain scale.

I came home and took a few minutes and just sobbed.  Sobbed for the things I can no longer do for myself.  Sobbed because I don’t like asking for help, or even needing help.  Sobbed because I’m losing my independence.  Sobbed because I can’t even look after my niece for a few hours, let alone having children of my own.  Sobbed because I purchased a rollator online today, a step I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready for, but desperately need physically for school.  Sobbed because I don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish school, let alone have a career.  Sobbed because my doggie may have to be put down soon.  (I’m even crying as I type this.)  Sobbed because my husband doesn’t attend worship service with me any more.  Sobbed because of the pain I’m in and the lack of relief from painkillers that just make my brain fuzzy.  Sobbed for friends lost.  Sobbed because other friends are going to an amusement park tomorrow and my body won’t let me.  Sobbed because this is not the life I thought I would be living.  Sobbed because of the burden I place on my husband and family.

Now it probably didn’t help that it’s “that time of the month,” that I hadn’t really eaten in hours, that I was exhausted, that I was in pain, that I was medicated, or that I was withdrawing from another medication that I forgot to take with me to my parent’s house last night.

But I’m really ready to curl up in bed, turn on a brainless feelgood movie, and fall asleep.  I’ll face the world tomorrow, but for tonight I’m done.

(P.S.  I would just like to say how dear and kind my husband was to me today.  Not that he isn’t every day, but I needed it even more than usual today.  He supported me getting a rollator even though our finances aren’t fantastic.  He let me cry on his shoulder about my doggie.  And he told me he loved me.  And held me.  I really don’t know what I would do without him.)

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)