Swear words, Sarcasm, and Suffering

Well, that relief was certainly short lived.  I went to sleep at midnight.  At two, I rolled over again and *zap*! resume shooting pain.

Fricative and argelfraster!

I really expected those really painful injections into my neck to provide relief that would last longer than forty hours.  So now I'm up, after only two hour sleep, having Grape Nuts so that I can take three different types of pain relief (yes, they can all be taken together).  Then I'll attempt to go back to sleep and hope desperately that I'll be able to get everything done tomorrow that I need to.

But I'm SO FRUSTRATED!!!  Why is the pain BACK!?!?  And WHY the BLAZES am I awake after only two hours sleep!?!?

As much FUN as I'm having, I'm ready to lead a boring, normal life now.

Knitting makes the world go round…

And when you drop a stitch, the whole world comes to a screeching halt.

I was working on my Hedgerow Mitts today and dropped a stitch.  Sigh… ok… no biggie.  I pause the movie I’m watching so that I can concentrate.  I’m still a knovice knitter, so I do need to concentrate when I drop a stitch.  Well, I get it almost fixed, and then I realize that it has actually dropped stitches several rows down and next to that stitch.  AAAAHHH!  Of course, at that very moment, my hubby gets home and comes in to greet me enthusiastically and tickle my toes.  NOT HELPFUL! (Sweet, but not helpful.)

It took me and my crochet hook several minutes to get all the stitches the way they needed to be, but they did come out the right way.  I think.  We’ll see if I goofed up the pattern.

My husband then came up to see what I was doing and asked why I was making fingerless gloves.  I explained to him that in class, my hands get cold, but I still need to have my fingers free to use the touch mouse pad.  His response “so why don’t you just cut the fingers off a pair of gloves?”  “Because the ends would fray.”  “You can buy gloves without fingers.”  “It’s more fun to knit them, Muggle.” (Muggle: some one who doesn’t understand the magic of knitting.)  He laughed, rolled his eyes, and went to go play video games.  That’s fine.  I don’t understand why he would want to play video games; he doesn’t understand why I would want to knit.  S’all good.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

When it rains it pours…

BAH!  So we’ve recently (like, last two weeks) paid for textbooks, and my new rollator, and more textbooks… and now I have to buy a laptop battery.

Today my laptop says that it is plugged in but not charging.  Of course, my warranty has expired.  I called Dell and they ran me through some things, and they have thus decreed that the battery is dead.

After several screams in frustration and some creative cursing, I called my folks.  My dad and I looked online and found batteries cheaper then Dell wants to sell me, by more than half.  My darling husband didn’t freak about needing a new battery, especially since it’s less than $100.

It’s just not something we need right now.

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)

A long, painful, and tearful day

Today was just “one of those days.”

I stayed over at my parent’s house last night.  My little sis was teaching the kindergarten age Sunday school class, and I was going to go and lend a hand.  But I didn’t sleep well or much last night.  I was totally worn out and hurting from playing with my niece and attending a worship service, but I didn’t sleep more than five or so hours.  Woke up very stiff and hurting.  Helped my sis with squirmy little five-year-olds.  Then went to the worship service.  Then to the woman’s meeting, and the topic made me cry. (Service.  Doing for those who can’t do for themselves.  Like me.)  Oh, and having to tell my diagnoses a dozen more times.  And all the sitting, both for church and the drive from my parents took me up a few more notches on the pain scale.

I came home and took a few minutes and just sobbed.  Sobbed for the things I can no longer do for myself.  Sobbed because I don’t like asking for help, or even needing help.  Sobbed because I’m losing my independence.  Sobbed because I can’t even look after my niece for a few hours, let alone having children of my own.  Sobbed because I purchased a rollator online today, a step I’m not sure I’m emotionally ready for, but desperately need physically for school.  Sobbed because I don’t know if I’ll even be able to finish school, let alone have a career.  Sobbed because my doggie may have to be put down soon.  (I’m even crying as I type this.)  Sobbed because my husband doesn’t attend worship service with me any more.  Sobbed because of the pain I’m in and the lack of relief from painkillers that just make my brain fuzzy.  Sobbed for friends lost.  Sobbed because other friends are going to an amusement park tomorrow and my body won’t let me.  Sobbed because this is not the life I thought I would be living.  Sobbed because of the burden I place on my husband and family.

Now it probably didn’t help that it’s “that time of the month,” that I hadn’t really eaten in hours, that I was exhausted, that I was in pain, that I was medicated, or that I was withdrawing from another medication that I forgot to take with me to my parent’s house last night.

But I’m really ready to curl up in bed, turn on a brainless feelgood movie, and fall asleep.  I’ll face the world tomorrow, but for tonight I’m done.

(P.S.  I would just like to say how dear and kind my husband was to me today.  Not that he isn’t every day, but I needed it even more than usual today.  He supported me getting a rollator even though our finances aren’t fantastic.  He let me cry on his shoulder about my doggie.  And he told me he loved me.  And held me.  I really don’t know what I would do without him.)

(Originally posted on another of my blogs: http://ruminarispoonie.wordpress.com)